I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Two words: blizzard sex
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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