I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
