First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
send nudes
from the living room?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
