Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
