i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
