Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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