I can tuck mytits in my pants
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
