I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
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