"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
