Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
