so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
