What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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