I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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