He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
