My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
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