Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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