just come out here and I will go home with you...
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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