so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
