you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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