my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
