sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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