Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
