i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
