I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
