why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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