come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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