yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
