Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
