9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
