We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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