he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
