meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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