I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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