some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
