I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
