I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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