can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
