I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
