Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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