When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Pants are for mortals
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
