he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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