I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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