Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
