Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
