Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
