I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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