In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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