She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
