you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
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