Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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