She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
