Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
