I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
