never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
