I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
