if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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