i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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