I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
