On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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